One thing is certain, up to this point, i.e. after test subject no. 2 (TS2): not all online daters are the same. This may seem rather obvious, but it just means that not all dates are necessarily going to be as catastrophic as my first. This, indeed was good. More than good. I’ll provide a more detailed description in the following post. Lesson no. 2 DO’s and DON’Ts follow:

1) Do believe in your algorithms. At least up to a certain point. I subscribed to two different sites, which differ also because one serves as a mere notice board for “products on the market”, while the other offers a matching system. TS2 came from the latter site, and we basically decided to meet because of a particularly high matching rate. Now, TS1 and I had a rather poor rate and considering how the two dates went, I tend to assume it may not be entirely coincidence. Of course, you do need a substratum: looking at the rate is fine, but I did choose the guy with the highest education in the lot and an appreciable age. And very appreciable pictures, by the way. It may have been luck, one TS is not enough, but still…

2) Do not accept to meet just anybody who asks. This has nothing to do with TS2, but rather with someone else who tried to ask me out. In three sentences he actually managed to say three irritating things. Don’t think it’s ok and try anyway, screen. Because dates have a 100 reasons to go bad even with people you thought you liked, so don’t help bad luck. Unless he is really Christian-Bale-smoking-hot, that is…

3) Do gather and give at least a little information about yourselves. This date with TS2 came even before proper presentations. I knew what he did – which actually did pinpoint the type a little – but 9 out of 10 e-mails we swapped were just organising details for the date. Considering what happened last time, I was ok with it, but I admit it was just too fundamentalist. So much so, that I wasn’t even the tiniest bit excited at the idea of meeting him and almost wanted to call it off. Until I looked at the pictures again…

4) Do not, under any circumstance, assume that “place-name-of-city-here” is so big and no one is going to know if you meet the guy. This was very true for TS1, but it was my fault for bringing him in my sancta sanctorum (boy, I have never been happier to see the Zamboni guy!), but the idea was actually inspired by TS3 (yep, planning ahead!). Of all the places on this Earth where someone living in my region could be born (we’re talking 10 million people here), TS3 was born in the same village of an old Campus mate of mine. They are friends on Facebook. Not good.You might be tempted to contact the common friend and ask a few questions, true, but I like the idea of this guy being completely new to my world. Of course, I still formally have a husband…

5) And, following the previous bullet I’d like to add: if you don’t like the guy, or if you have any reason to lie about that being a date, always have an excuse ready. This goes back to TS1: if my coach had come up to me and asked about the guy, it would have been devastatingly embarrassing to admit he was my date. It’s your conscience, you guilt, you frustration speaking: “how could you date someone like that?”, “Tell me about it, I have no fucking clue, believe me…”. So you need a back-up answer; no, you need two:

  • If your date is within earshot: you stop at the name. That’s it. No more. “This is Stanislaw”. Then it’s not your problem anymore.
  • If your date is not within earshot: let your fantasy run wild: in my case, he was my colleague. He can be your cousin, your neighbour, just a friend, your father’s boss, your little brother’s best buddy, that’s up to you and mostly up to what he looks like, but whatever the case, for your reputation’s sake: be ready.

6) It is a rather good idea to have another telephone number just for online dates. This was an advice I received from Faith and I think it has a point. You write a couple of e-mail, know close to nothing about the guy, yet you’re meeting him somewhere and you are going to need to exchange numbers, even just to recognise each other. If he turns out to be a psycho or just an extremely clingy and needy guy, you may not want to change your proper number because of that. Having a second number is harmless and if you actually establish a healthy relationship with the guy you can give him your proper number then. We girls always have the excuse of safety after all… This is true for e-mails too, but I took that for granted as you’re not supposed to reveal your surname to any of these guys at least until you look them in the eyes.

Bottom line: you shouldn’t wait to care for the guy before you meet him, but do give him a little try before anyway.

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