Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to sustain a long-term relationship again. It’s not about finding someone, strangely enough, I do see the possibility in that. As for finding the perfect someone… Right now I feel like that perfect someone shouldn’t be perfect at all. I realise I am not perfect and I hope that an equally imperfect or flawed person might be the only way to be truly understood.

And this is the wonderful fairytale of every new-begun love. But what of the long run?

Marcel looks like a dreaming poet now, never preoccupied by practical details – he arrived an hour late to one of our dinners because he thought we were going to another restaurant – would I honestly be able to refrain from killing him for this after six months of missed trains and lost keys?

Hector inspired me to try  to explore spirituality with his meditation practices and his interest towards India and ashrams. But what if general optimism and love for the whole world were proved to be plainly incompatible with my tendency towards frustration and irritability?

How can I know who is really compatible with me? How do I know whether someone is incompatible with me or I am incompatible with the idea of accepting someone for who they really are? In other words, how do I know if I am compatible with long-lasting relationships at all?

The fact that my last relationship failed is just proof of my inability to be flexible and make a relationship work? I feel like I will never be able to work at something that has no rules. I feel like I’ll never be able to get things right unless I have an instructions manual at hands.

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